This is my blog

so I am allowed to say or think whatever I want to think without any judgment...



I don't want to be alive anymore. Really though, this isn't anything new.

Bird Stealing Bread

I love you, and I already said goodbye once, so maybe that was supposed to be the end of this all.


I don't want to do this anymore.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm blacking out again. GREAT.


maybe my nightmares are actually correct. I really am alone. I've asked myself this constant question: Where are my friends?

One of my greatest fears is when am I going to lose it?

Last night at dinner Dayna humilated me, and then told Cici I have an eating disorder. Drunk people do the cutest things.

Maybe I do want to rebuild those walls I let people slowly break down. I think it would be a pretty smart move.

Basically, if it matters, I am depressed as hell again but I don't think anything is going to change this time.

I just scarfed down a bagel with cream cheese and a pumpkin muffin in about 10 mins.

I swear, if I don't drop this extra weight soon, I don't know what I am going to do. I hate these cycles. I really hate them. I can't stand all this binge binge binge purge, restrict, restrict, restrict, restrict, binge, restrict.... when does it end?


School is going to be overwhelming. Plain and simple. I can already tell. But I have found my study buddy for my spanish class already. iQue bueno!

Isolation

I really am starting to feel it. Understand it. Become it. It is consuming me. Yeah.

This totally strange and uncomfortable new feeling that I have, and the weird thing is that I only have my family and my best friends to blame. Well, not all my best friends. I only have one who is actually still treating me the same, which I love him for.

What is so wrong with my happiness? I mean, it is as if they would prefer me to continue my downward spiral into complete depression and eventual suicide. Yeah, I said it...erm, typed it.

Are we falling apart? Am I so blind? I had no idea, I really thought we were doing just fine. I have no idea. Maybe there is too much on your plate for this. I wouldn't be upset if you felt that way.

I'm nauseous. I can't breathe.

I'm sorry I am so insane. I'm sorry that one day I want to be normal then the next I freak out. I am trying to get better, but you really do make me happy. You must realize that when you found me I was at one of the lowest points in my life so far. \



I CAN'T FUCKING WRITE RIGHT NOW.

My parents love my dog more than me.

this is it

I just cannot do this anymore. This is the end.