In recent thoughts

Ways to save money:

Stop buying food
Stop buying coffee
Stop driving so damn much
Stop reckless shopping
Start walking Freddy more to take up time



Things I need to do in the next week or so:

Put up a shelf
Put up the mirror
Throw away 90% of the crap in my room
Exercise every day for over an hour
Put up posters


Updates:

Fabian decided he wants to be my friend... weird.
I think I will stay with my job, despite recent news
I will be trusting next to no one.
I've been having more euphoric spasms... kinda feels good.
I'm considering canceling Christmas... we will see how I feel about that in a few days.

I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings or anything by what you were saying last night.

But this is my weakness. It really is. I feel like I have no one in that cafe now.

Damn.

Only the strong survive? I'm afraid I don't qualify.


I'm so cold.

I've switched over to the sweet yet terrifying sounds of CocoRosie and nothing is making me feel more whole, honestly.

I am dreading this 'work' get together tonight but I don't think I want to spend another night alone with the glass next to me, to say it in a vague way.


I am having a hard time finding a moment to sit down and write down everything I am 'feeling'... I don't know what I am feeling, really.

Give my sympathy. Give me depression. Give me loneliness. Give me complete, indecisive bullshit. Do I really love my job? Is school really worth it? I'm lazy. I have no energy left. I'm only running on quick caffeine bursts.

I've actually been attempting to write this for a few days now.

I want to be beautiful. I want to be truly beautiful... but in my own eyes.
... and it really sucks.

my body is so tired and I can't even stay awake anymore...


this happens at the most INOPPORTUNE moments.


How can you possibly like me even a little bit when I hate myself so much I can hardly stand to look at myself?

I think my chest plate or some of my ribs are bruised.

Fat. Lazy. Unmotivated. I honestly don't know what to do right now. I have a huge test in my comparative politics class tomorrow morning... I totally forgot about it. I am going to drop all my classes except my Spanish class.

Honestly, it is so easy to give up. I'm sick of pushing myself and faking it... I just don't think I can do this anymore.

Girl in the Snow

Echoes of John Legend and Ne-Yo have been playing in my mind and car... this is getting to be a bit too much for me. I am slightly mad... but by that I mean insane.

Lost the baby... don't really know what to do about that. It is definitely hard.

I do feel quite cheap everyday I am at work, not gonna lie... maybe I need a new atmosphere.

I don't want to get raped at school.

I can't make you happy. This is a similar problem I had before and it kills me every day.

A customer from Minnesota came into the cafe today and reminded me how much I miss that Midwestern air...

My dream last night haunts me, but makes me wonder... what if...

I hate my cell phone, so maybe soon I will get a new one... by that I mean in the next week.

Yeah, I am a flirt, I swear, whoever points that out to me next is going to be so sorry. I am so sick of it all. I did become this, I wasn't a flirt like this before, but oh well, don't put me down because of it.


I am surrounded by people yet I constantly feel so alone.

I think I need to start working at night again, for my own good, and maybe yours, too.

I feel like we hardly talk... I don't think I am going to call you whenever you're at work anymore.
Plus, I am not going to lie, I do get a bit jealous of the people you work with.


fuck it, I feel shitty and you still haven't called me back.