I've switched over to the sweet yet terrifying sounds of CocoRosie and nothing is making me feel more whole, honestly.

I am dreading this 'work' get together tonight but I don't think I want to spend another night alone with the glass next to me, to say it in a vague way.


I am having a hard time finding a moment to sit down and write down everything I am 'feeling'... I don't know what I am feeling, really.

Give my sympathy. Give me depression. Give me loneliness. Give me complete, indecisive bullshit. Do I really love my job? Is school really worth it? I'm lazy. I have no energy left. I'm only running on quick caffeine bursts.

I've actually been attempting to write this for a few days now.

I want to be beautiful. I want to be truly beautiful... but in my own eyes.
... and it really sucks.